Driving home from drop off this morning I looked in the review mirror and saw my girl belting Elsa’s anthem with her eyes closed. She was feeling every bit of the words, “Let it go, let it go, I’ll rise like the break of dawn. Let it go, let it go, that perfect girl is gone!” I kept thinking about how this moment, and thousands of others never would have happened had we not first attended an informational meeting about foster care. Our girl was 3 months old and receiving loving care in her home at the time of our first foster care meeting. The opening greeting still chills me. “Thank you for coming to this meeting. Our kids deserve a full room of adults who are interested in learning more about caring for them.”
That initial full house thinned to a handful of couples who continued their training to become licensed providers. I often left the training with a pounding headache and clenched teeth from learning of the ways kids are hurt and how those deep wounds manifest in behavior. I was scared about meeting biological families and we seriously considered installing an alarm system. We questioned if we could really pull this off. Could we deal with loss? Could our kids stomach uncertainty? Could our family manage the unpredictability? Would I actually need to get a cell phone?
Initially we decided we would keep taking steps forward until we got a clear and firm “stop” in our prayers. We got those feelings several times. Two additional kids at one time, too much. Children who have abused others, no. Subjecting our daughter to a transient home, not now. But we’ve found that in understanding where our boundaries are, we are in fact free to say “yes” to that which exists within that sphere.
The large families with varying shades and hues that joined us at the annual foster care Christmas celebration earlier this week blow me away with their love and grace. There are so many good people in the world that willingly stretch to meet the needs of the least. I used to look at these families and think, “There’s no way I could do that.” Now I look and realize that it doesn’t matter the number of children you care for, because it matters to the one in front of you profoundly. Thank God these families are willing to open their homes so readily. And thank God there are families like ours, that are still willing to re-open their doors, even if it is with caution.
Our family is preparing to re-enter the world of fostering. We’re going to dip our toes with the turn of the calendar in the respite care program. This feels like the extent of our “yes” for now, but you never quite know how that will twist and change with additional time. These kids deserve us to stretch and learn where our boundaries are.
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