Where we “Splurge” and where don’t in Our Budget

Our family has been living on a paper or digital budget for about eight years. Achieving our financial goals without this tool would have been incredibly difficult. Our budget has been our plumb line, and an intentional way to align our spending with our values. That being said, there are places within our budget for extravagance. Here’s where we “splurge” and how we do it.

Vacations - One of the most tangible changes in our budget after retiring our non-mortgage debt is that we began taking family vacations. We began setting aside money that would normally go towards debt towards making memories away from home. Each month, cash went into an envelope for trips, and sometimes we’d allot extra money from side work, bonuses,  or refunds for a yearly trip.  Using these funds, we have visited Minnesota’s North Shore, Bayfield, Wisconsin, Belize, and Washington State.

These adventures are even more relaxing for us because we funded the trip, including activities, food, and entertainment, via a cash envelope. A Visa bill doesn’t follow us home, and we are able to fully enjoy our time away and feel like we are splurging, even though the spending was all accounted for on the front end. Mindful splurging has allowed us to make wonderful memories without sacrificing our bigger financial goals.

Christmas - Our son was six weeks old for his first Christmas. (He and his twin brother were six weeks premature, and for other reasons, our son Jack had passed away on Thanksgiving morning.) As new and bereaved parents, our first Christmas was scant.  Our boy received a single book from us, our families received a framed picture of our twins, and that was it. Using that first Christmas as a reference point, our current Christmas gift giving feels extravagant.

Each month we sock away money for an incredible day of shopping in early December. My husband takes the day off  work, and we find care for our children while we spend hundreds of dollars buying gifts for the people we love. It is fun, it is over the top, and it doesn’t break our bank account. Since we have been saving since the previous January, we are able to enjoy all parts of the gifting experience without worrying about next month’s bill.

Giving - I have found that giving generously to people, places, and ideas that we value is what I enjoy most about spending money. We regularly give to our church and other missions working for good in the world. This giving is drawn automatically from our checking account and has been on the top line of our budget since we began applying Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps in our life. This planned and measured giving reminds us regularly that the money  is ours to manage, and the world ought to look different because of the wealth that has run through our hands each month.

The most fun I have with money is to giving an unexpected gift that addresses the need of a person I love. We have purchased so many Financial Peace University kits for friends and family that we should consider buying them in bulk. Hearing the stories about how this class changed the trajectory of their lives is incredibly fulfilling. Sometimes we do this anonymously and it is a hoot hearing a loved one talk about receiving a gift never guessing that it had come from us. Sending flowers, gift cards, or a meal to help out a struggling friend gives hope when we feel powerless. I am grateful to have married a man who believes these  opportunities should be regular occurrences, and agrees that they are a big part of the reason we ought to earn money and build wealth.

Our regular monthly offerings are a line item in our budget, and, at this point, involve little discussion or thought. There was a time that we had a line item in our budget called “The Big Give,” which we’d contribute to regularly to  set aside money for addressing needs in our tribe as they presented themselves. However, we’ve steered away from that and have decided that funding our “spontaneous” gifts ought to come out of conversation, and a deduction from a different budgeted category. (Sounds really spontaneous right?) For instance, when we give an extra offering for Global Missions at our church, we often forgo a month of restaurants as a family to fund that gift. By doing so, our kids get to participate in generating the money by skipping something they enjoy.

Our money follows our values, and we ought to spend more on the things that are most important to us. People matter most in life, and so they should show up in our budget as places we can intentionally be extravagant. Mindful splugring has been a wonderful way to use the money that we’ve been given, and I am always looking for the next way we can pay it forward.

When You Know What You're Working of

Our family had committed to following Dave Ramsey’s Debt Snowball plan as a way to attack $55,000 worth of debt.  This mountain of bills included medical debt, a student loan, a 401K loan, and our second mortgage.  Our first fervor and intensity began to wane as we successfully eliminated the smaller loans but were now staring at the remaining $35,000 adjustable rate second mortgage. The second mortgage had looked good as a way to bypass paying PMI in the era of creative home financing, but now the monthly payment was increasing at an alarming rate.   We needed a bigger shovel to dig ourselves out of the hole we were in.  We wanted that loan out of our lives.

We had been living on one income for approximately four years and began to consider seeking additional employment to speed up eliminating that debt snowball.  While we were discussing the logistics of my returning to work or my husband’s picking up a second job, my husband was offered a new opportunity at his growing company.  A new role would involve traveling to clients every other week.  This new job came with a substantial pay increase; a six-month review would determine if it was a good fit both for my husband and for the company.

He lasted five months.

Flying a few times a month, communicating with toddlers via phone calls, and building a strong marriage without his physical presence each evening simply wasn’t sustainable for our family.  My husband had an honest conversation with his boss about the situation and asked to return to his previous position and compensation.

Here’s the thing: he returned to his position, but his employer insisted on paying him much of that salary bump because of the ways he had grown professionally over the previous five months.  I remember being shocked that his company was willing to support our family in this manner. Usually employees pay for training that will result in higher pay, but my guy received that additional training on the job itself, and received a reward for it.

Those five months were really challenging for our family.  While I do not want to relive them, I am grateful my husband took advantage of the opportunity, and I was able to support him.  Trying out the new job opened doors for him professionally, helped define work/life balance for our family, and increased the size of our financial shovel for his career.

I am confident that none of this would have happened without our understanding of our financial situation and the shared goal of eliminating our debt.  Knowing that we were working to eliminate our mountain of debt made it easier to make the shared sacrifices of the five-month new job experience.  On those tough weeks when I was home with two cranky toddlers in search of a break, I could remind myself that this would last only until our debt was retired.  When my husband was working eighteen-hour days, he could remind himself of what this short-term sacrifice would provide our family in the long run.

Over the years of teaching FPU, we had met numerous families who have taken on extra work, extra hours, grown their own business or sought side jobs in order to generate additional income.  Their willingness to dig in and do the hard work to meet their long-term goal constantly impresses me.

Last week all three of our children started school.  After twelve years as a full-time stay-at-home mom, I am gathering my courage, summoning my confidence, and channeling my enthusiasm to re-enter the job market.  We have lived and thrived on one income, we have a plan for the additional money my work would generate.  That, in addition to the dignity of paid work, makes me excited for this next chapter in my career story.

The Struggle is Real

This week my sister bought my Mom a sign stating the obvious, “The Struggle is Real.” As the kids have returned to school and we’ve worked to relearn the school rhythm and routine in our house, I’ve thought of this phrase a dozen times. My hunch is that I’m not alone in feeling overwhelmed with trying to balance the demands of the outside world and creating a safe home where our kids can be who they are as we steer them towards who we hope they will become. A few years back after reading a bunch of books in a short period of time, I was inspired to figure out the goals for my kids.

1. Love God
2. Serve Others
3. Want to Come Home

It often seems that the most important things in life are really simple. Parenting with the end in mind, has offered grace in the times that we have messed up and gotten lost in the struggle; this mantra reminds me what’s important. For instance, this morning my toothless child came bounding into my room telling me that she heard the tooth fairy in her room and was excited about the dollar but confused why her tooth was still under her pillow. We talked about how the tooth fairy that visits our house is pretty terrible, sometimes she even forgets to show up for a couple nights in a row! While this magical part of childhood is fun, it’s not critical to the adult I want my daughter to become, and reminding myself of that allowed me to let it go.

On the other hand, we see a direct connection between finances and faith and therefore actively teach that to our kids though example, conversation and intentional learning opportunities. We want our kids to love God, and part of building this foundation in their lives comes from recognizing that all that we have has been entrusted to us to manage for God’s Kingdom. These conversations are just as important as attending regular worship services, participating in youth events and serving with the church.  

We are offering a new class at Augustna Lutheran Church starting in October called Smart Money Smart Kids which focuses on the values behind having a healthy relationship with money. The class is designed for parents to gain new insights about topics such as responsibility, patience, giving, honesty and contentment and how to encourage those traits in their children. These traits all fall within the Sanford end game goals, and learning and teaching about fostering this in our children will be awesome.

If you are local and interested in attending you can learn more about the details and sign up here. The cost for the six week class is $60 and will be held Sunday mornings October 2nd - November 13th at 9:45. Sign up by September 18th so that materials can be ordered.

Summer on the Cheap

Our kids wrapped up school this week and will be home with me for the next three months. This will be my 11th summer as a stay-at-home-mom. I’ve figured out that we do best when we have a few go- to activities that are cheap and we can do when everyone needs an outing to keep their sanity. Here’s a few ways we keep our family entertained in the summer:

Visit the Library - Our local library is incredible and has become a sacred space for the children and me. We have learned and grown in this old building for the past decade and plan on utilizing a ton of their resources this summer. The kids are signed up for for free engineering, art and theatre classes and the summer reading program. In addition to programed events, our library also offers DIY kits about topic like making tortillas, fixing your bike, creating magic or using a loom. Kits can be checked out for a few weeks with everything needed to to explore a new hobby. Each kit comes with both  a book and the tools necessary to start a new hobby. Minnesota also offers free museum passes through MELSA. Sign up with your MN library card and register for up to two events at a time. So far my daughter and I have been able to see a ballet and go the Bell Museum for free. The more you visit the library, the more you’re apt to find these wonderful, free ways to make memories with you family.

Utilize our Memberships - Summer is a great time to use existing memberships. For our family, we currently have memberships at the YMCA and the Minnesota Historical Society, and in the past have held memberships for the MN Zoo, Children’s Museum. and Science Museum. When family and friends ask for ideas for gifts for our kids, we often direct them towards memberships and activities because of our ability to take full advantage of them in the summer months. At the start of the summer the kids and I often make a summer bucket list. and many of these locations continue to make the list.

Get out into the woods - I read The Last Child in the Woods several years ago and it forever impacted the way I parent. The author, Richard Louv, describes how nature is essential to the healthy development of a child’s mind, body and spirit and that as technology continues to saturate our culture, children are losing this part of their development. I am grateful for the variety of ways our family explores nature together, and our greatest memories often include lakes and trees. Parks offer plenty of free ways to get outside with  hiking and biking trails all over the Twin Cities. For our family, the cost for a state park permit and fishing license holds its  value and continues to be a yearly purchase.

Free Summer Programs - Many businesses in our area offer free programs throughout the summer to get kids and families in the door. Usually  an additional purchase is required  for the free pass (shoe or skate rental for bowling or skating), but knowing that on a rainy day we have a cheap way to stay active is worth it.

Kids Skate Free - This year our local rink only accepts the coupons for free skating on the weekends.

Free Bowling - Each kid is eligible for two free games every day of the summer, they just need to rent shoes.

Free Movie Passes - Kati at True Couponing.com has detailed a ton of different savings programs at national movie theaters.

Serving Together - Serving with my children is one of my favorite parts of parenting. We have grown into this activity which  wasn’t easy when we first began but  has been well  worth getting over that first discomfort.. We began serving formally at Feed My Starving Children as each child reached the required five years of age and could reach and maneuver the food packing equipment. I still remember my middle son walking into the facility and asking, “Where are the starving children I’m supposed to feed?” Since then, we’ve also worked at Loaves and Fishes and the Boys and Girls club food servers and the clean up crew. My boys LOVE running the dishwasher, and a kind man at our church has taken them under his wing and supported this work. We often receive much more than we give in service to others, and finding opportunities to do this in summer months has been incredibly fulfilling to our family.

Einstein Vacations - Years back we attended a timeshare presentation and the speaker mocked the idea of only vacationing like Einstein (as in, it’s all relative). He got a good laugh, but the punchline never sat well with me. There was a season when ALL of our vacations HAD to be visiting family because we couldn’t afford anything else. Lodging, transportation, food, and entertainment are expensive and add up quickly when traveling with a family. We are fortunate to have family with access to cabins, lakes and woods and visiting really did feel like a vacation in that season. If this summer finds you in a place where vacations must be taken on the cheap, enjoy them for what they are, a chance to take a break from the routine and make memories in a different place.

Fight the Summer Slump - Before becoming a mom,  I was a middle school teacher, and I still feel like a professional educator deep in my bones. A few years ago our oldest two kids came home with their report cards that included their MAP testing scores throughout their academic careers. We noticed that each year, their scores dipped over the summer between the spring and fall tests, and took until the winter testing session to rebound. We’ve dubbed this the Summer Slump in our house and are trying to find simple ways to try to lessen the slide. Each week the kids receive a grid similar to the one pictured below and must work to cross out five boxes each day. We tie screen time to the completion of these tasks, and this has the side benefit of giving enough structure to our day that mornings feel like less of a free-for-all.

Our kids now know this work is coming, and actually look forward to seeing how the process  will be tweaked and changed to adapt to their new interest and skills. For instance, our oldest son has planned to begin writing a book this summer that he hopes to publish. Setting aside 20 minutes a day to write feels like a gift to him. Our middle boy created a Google Slide Show Presentation about World War II during the school year, and he wants to continue to add to the slide show this summer. Our youngest will be starting Kindergarten in the fall and is excited to do “school at home” like her brothers this summer.

I love summer because it has always felt like a reset button for our family. We can  remove ourselves from the stresses and commitments of the school year to  focus on our family relationships. However, without  structure, the vision of restoration quickly turned into the reality of a free-for-all. A game plan that aligns with our budget helps our family enjoy these months off of school together.

This is not an exhaustive list, but rather the starting point in a conversation. If there are free and cheap summer entertainment opportunities that you enjoy, please add them in the comment section of this post.

Passing on a Vehicle Upgrade for Something Better

Not actually The Jeep. No known photos exist.

When I first met my husband in in 2002, he was driving a 1995 Jeep Cherokee. He purchased it used before we met, and he drove it until we retired our debt in 2010. This vehicle was a story and made an impression on anyone who rode in it. The Jeep leaked when it rained, took the length of a commute to heat up in the winter, and had only three functional doors and one radio station (MPR in case you’re wondering). At one point during our debt snowball, it was stolen out of our driveway, and we kind of laughed at imagining the thieves realizing what a dump they had taken when the cops caught them on their “high speed” chase. When we retired our debt and were ready for a new vehicle, we gave the Jeep to a friend who was down a vehicle after fully disclosing its issues. It lived on another couple months for this family, providing a rocky mode of transportation until they could find another vehicle; the Jeep was finally junked.

Imagine my surprise when my husband began shopping for a replacement vehicle and landed on ANOTHER 1995 Jeep Cherokee. This time it was a fire engine red luxury model with heated leather seats. His reasoning was that he already had the repair manual and knew how to work on the vehicle. He recognized that for the time being, not upgrading our vehicle created the space for something better.

While we didn’t carry loans on either of our four wheeled vehicles into our debt snowball, we had a loan against a 401K that was used to purchase a motorcycle. Even though it was time to replace The Jeep, we were unwilling to take out a loan and opted for a garage sale replacement vehicle. It was the first time as adults we had purchased a car with cash, and the freedom that came from foregoing a payment was awesome. We were able to recognize that skipping an upgrade in vehicle allowed us to work quickly towards fully funding our emergency fund and return to investing in our retirement.

Today, many others are making a different choice when it’s time to buy a different car. Debt associated with a vehicle purchase is at an all-time high. According to Automotive News in early June 2016, Experian released data stating that the average new vehicle loan is $30,032 with monthly payments of $503 for 68 months. Used vehicle loans sold by dealers average $18,424 with monthly payments $376 for 66 months.

The best way to approach vehicle debt is to never get into in the first place. Instead of making a car payment to a dealer, pay yourself the monthly amount, and in a few months you can buy a beater. Keep paying yourself the car payment you would have accrued with a loan, and in another few more months, sell your beater. Combine the sale amount with your savings for a slightly less beat-up beater. We have purchased three vehicles since starting our debt free journey using this strategy. While it is not as easy or quick as securing a loan, the rewards of contentment and a cushion in your budget are worth the time.

If you listen to the Dave Ramsey radio show for a couple days, you’re bound to hear Dave telling a caller to, “Sell the car.” His guideline is that while working the debt snowball, you keep your vehicles if the total value of all of motorized assets are less than half of your annual income AND you can pay off any outstanding loans in less than two years. If any item pushes you outside this parameter, Dave advises to downgrade transportation, and sell the vehicles tied with the loans. If you owe more than the vehicle is worth, look into finding a bank that will lend you the difference and add that amount to your debt snowball. We didn’t need to take this step when retiring our debts, but a number of Financial Peace University Alum have shared doing this, and I am always impressed with their courage to own their past mistakes and work towards a solution.

My husband drove the second ’95 Jeep until it was 20 years old, and then sold it to a kid who had just got his license. He upgraded to an economic 2002 Honda Civic that has proven to be reliable and gets good gas mileage. I’m driving an ’05 Dodge Caravan with 160,000 miles. We continue to save monthly towards vehicle repair and replacement because these gems won’t last forever. The decision to forgo a substantial vehicle upgrade in favor of living below our means provides the space in our budget and lives to pursue other goals. We don’t want to surrender that vision to a car payment.

Teaching Our Children About Money

Financial literacy is a core principle of our family, and importing this value to our kids is a parenting task for  which we assume full responsibility. We believe that the ways we give, save, and spend are a reflection of our values, and we  want to shape our children to see themselves as a steward of God’s resources. Creating intentional spaces to discuss money with our kids continues to be one of our favorite parts about parenting. Right now our three kids are each managing their money in different age-appropriate ways. Here’s how we’ve approached money as our kids have grown...

Preschool - From an early age we want to teach our kids the value of work and its  connection to money. Around the age of three, we give our kids the option of doing chores that were simple and easy to complete and pay them $1 for each task. They are paid immediately for tasks such as sweeping, arranging shoes, and washing the fish tank, so that they can make the connection between working and earning. The money goes inside a Mason Jar, and the money is theirs to spend whenever they  like. At this stage of the game, our main focus is making  the connection between work and money. We recognize that they are being paid exceptionally well, but we feel that their ability to make a purchase with that money is really important. Our youngest will be starting Kindergarten in the fall, and we will transition her into the next age bracket over the summer.

The Spending Envelope is missing because 

Elementary School - Our middle son has been using the Give, Save, Spend budgeting strategy for several years, and we’ve had lots of challenges and successes along the way. In a nutshell, when he earns money through completing chores, he deposits the cash into his Mason Jar.  After a week or two, he divides the cash into his three envelopes labeled: Give, Save, and Spend. Giving can go towards any organization he wants to support including school charity drives, our church, or something else. We have determined that the Savings envelope must reach at least $30 before he can spend it for  something he wants. The goal is teaching patience and longer investment. Spending is available for his use at anytime, or when he is close to his $30 savings threshold, he can add this amount to the other envelope.

When we began this process, he earned $5 a week if he completed all of his chores, and as parents, we told him how to divide his money: $1 into Giving, $2 into  Spending and  $2 into Savings. As this process has unfolded, we have encouraged him to play with percentages and build a plan that he finds more exciting . The goal at this stage is to understand his various options for using money.

Middle School - Our oldest will be starting Middle School in the fall, so is ready to upgrade  his budgeting process. A few weeks ago he created his first envelope system, and this gave us  a wonderful way to get a sense of  his values. First he wrote down ten categories where he enjoyed spending money. Next, I helped him rank these items in order of their importance in his life. Finally, we assigned a dollar amount that he would feel great about to save towards and then spending when he reaches that goal. Talking with him  about how our spending reflects our values has been an awesome experience, and it’s exciting to see him making these connections. We are early in this process, and there was much resistance the first time he had  to place his money in the envelopes, but I am full of anticipation for the connection he’ll make in the coming year. The goal of this type of budgeting is for him to see that money should follow our values.

High School - We have a few years yet, but we already have a plan for when the kids each reach high school.  We will give   them a chunk of money each month  to appropriately budget clothing, activities, entertainment. and other incidentals. We want them to make budgeting mistakes at home, so we can help them learn to distinguish between wants and needs. This process is outlined in Rachel Cruz’s book Smart Money Smart Kids, and we’re looking forward to seeing how it plays out in our household.

It’s worth noting that our system is far from perfect. I am terrible at chore charts and paying kids on a regular basis, so we usually outline a bunch of stuff that needs to be done on a Saturday morning, and everyone works to finish the tasks, and we pay everyone right away. We’ve had sneaky kids change where there their money’s designation, and even worse, swipe money from their sibling. This has given us the opportunity to talk to them at length about integrity and honesty. We also needed to figure out what to do about birthday and Christmas money because our kids would declare they would no longer do chores and would  just wait for their gifts to arrive. We opted to allow them to spend $25 of holiday money and add the rest to their savings account at the bank. Teaching kids about money can be really frustrating, but in those moments I try to remind myself not to  get caught up in the details. The value of financial literacy is worth the work.

One of the themes in Financial Peace University is that most people wish they understood how money worked before they became adults. Many families shy away from talking about money for a variety of reasons.  When people start looking for financial information as adults, often that information is  supplied by businesses who want to lend money. We want our kids to walk into adulthood with the skills to understand their finances and be empowered to make thoughtful decisions about money throughout their lives.

Where College Funding Fits into our Financial Plan

Dave Ramsey’s Baby Steps offer a simple approach to meeting financial goals by working on the first three steps one at a time. After retiring all non-mortgage debt and building an emergency fund, the plan teaches to work on steps four, five, and six simultaneously, with priority given to retirement investing, then college funding,  and finally mortgage payoff. We veered off the Ramsey plan with regards to prioritizing paying off our home over funding our children’s college savings plan.

When we finished Baby Step Three, our children were in preschool and kindergarten. The largest part of our debt snowball was a refinanced second mortgage, and we realized we had made a lot of headway on the principal  in a short amount of time. Using a mortgage calculator, we estimated we could pay off our house completely in 7 1/2 years with additional principal  payments that worked with our budget after fully funding our retirement investing. We opted to add minimally to our children’s college funds, knowing that if we stuck to our plan, our kids would be in 6th and 7th grade when our mortgage was completely retired, and we could invest more heavily in college savings accounts.

Today our children are 11, 10 & 5, and we have continued with our plan since it's establishment five years ago. Adding another child to the mix three years ago hasn’t changed our approach to college funding. When our home is paid off, we will begin investing substantially into each of our children’s college fund. Where we fall short, we will be able to earmark monthly payments for their education in the absence of a monthly mortgage payment.

In addition to creating a financial plan, we also talk regularly with our children about college choices and that we will expect them to work and help pay for their schooling. We’ve introduced them to the terms post-secondary option, scholarship, in-state tuition and community college. They emotionally grasp that debt takes away long term freedom, and learning about the about saving money through college choice already resonates with them.

Not everyone is able to financially support their children in their post-secondary schooling, and that’s okay. Parents can still guide and encourage their children to make thoughtful choices about where they choose to attend and the financial implication of those decisions. The first time someone suggested attending community college to me was when I was a senior, and I felt deeply offended. I was arrogant, and believed that option was below me. Perhaps if a plan had been a part of a regular discussion, I might have been open to different choices. One book that highlights an alternative choice to student loans in the absence of parental savings is Debt-Free U: How I Paid for an Outstanding College Education Without Loans, Scholarships, or Mooching off My Parentsby Zac Bisenhoff.

I often remark, “I was a much better parent before I had children,” meaning I believed I knew what to expect. The same may be true of our college plan. It looks good and makes sense on paper, but what our children ultimately do will dictate the long term success of this theory. Moving forward with this plan is our most thoughtful way to approach caring for our children as they enter adulthood.

Where Does Giving Fit into Dave Ramsey’s Plan?

When people first begin attending Financial Peace University, the are often scared, frustrated and ashamed of their financial situation. Registering for a class and committing to learn something new is incredibly brave, and it feels inappropriate to add any guilt to an already tender situation by challenging people to grow in their giving right away. I am incredibly grateful that although giving is the first item on Ramsey’s Budgeting worksheets, it is the last lesson taught in the nine week class.

We started tithing when we first married and were living on two incomes. It was challenging but deeply rewarding. We faced the death of our son Jack and life with his surviving twin brother while initially still meeting our commitment. However, acclimating to one income, parenthood, grief, and a falling away from our church began a slide in our regular giving. For a couple of years we gave sporadically to people and organizations with whom we felt a connection while searching for a new church home and a financial plan that would work. When we needed help the most, we stumbled into a congregation we grew to love, and then read The Total Money Makeover. We made the connection between budgeted giving and growth in our faith and returned to giving a tithe on our take-home pay (minus taxes and insurance) while working to melt our debt snowball. Returning to tithing was difficult, but giving and budgeting in tandem changed us in profound ways. Here are some of the truths that we learned by giving throughout our Baby Steps:

Giving Grows Contentment - Looking back on the Summer of 2007, when we decided to give the Ramsey Plan a shot, we lacked contentment. We felt justified using a credit card because it was only for “needs.” We believed we were wise to borrow against our 401K for a motorcycle because we would be paying ourselves back the interest. We were proud that we had found a creative way to finance our home borrowing 103% of the principal so that we could skip a down payment and bypass PMI. Our rush into these purchases reflects a time when we were constantly measuring our happiness by what we could accumulate. Ranking patience and discipline above purchases was not a part of our character. Deciding to freeze our borrowing forced us to look closely at what we had and decide it was enough.

Contentment grows with cultivation, and living with a barebones budget for several years intensified the growth of our contentment. This peace was a byproduct of making more money and spending less while watching our friends move up in cars and homes. We realized we were both giving to charity at a rate that months before would had seemed impossible, and also  steadily retiring debts. Accomplishing this much while living within our means shifted our thinking, and it became clear that “We have enough.” From that point on, comparing and craving material possessions loosened its grip on our hearts, and we were able to live fully in the blessings right in front of us. It’s not clear whether contentment grew out of living on a budget or systematic giving, but however it happened, this experience both  changed the way we live and the way we give.

Giving Reflects our Values -  Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be” (Matthew 6:21). The ways that we spend our money are a direct representation of the values that  we care about. When I scroll through debit card purchases or the titles of my cash envelopes, I see a lot about investing in relationships, making things beautiful, building a future, and caring for others. I am most authentic when my spending reflects my values, and giving to our church and other important organizations is a critical part of our story. Figuring out how to align  finances with values shouldn’t wait until a milestone is reached, but can be done anytime along the Baby Steps.

Giving is Fun - Giving is the most fun you can have with your money. If you haven’t experienced the joy of giving anonymously, I’d encourage you to give it a shot. Sometimes you even can hear the person muse about who sent the gift all the while you were the one who wrote the check, paid the bill,  or made the purchase. While we were paying off our debt snowball, we set aside a small amount each month for date night. This account took several months to grow to a point where we could go out for a nice meal or see a movie. For one date we arranged childcare the night before and went out for breakfast at a local diner in the morning. We noticed our waitress was hustling and dealing with some really rotten customers a couple tables over. Without really thinking about it, my husband and I both ordered small meals with the intention of leaving a sizable tip. We scooted out of the restaurant before the waitress retrieved our bill, but it was a ton of fun to imagine her response. Leaving a big tip was definitely more fun than ordering a full breakfast would have been. The story is far more memorable and fun than how we could have spent the money on ourselves in the diner.

We Want to Model Generosity - More is caught than taught, and if we want our children to become givers, they need to see us do it regularly. We give electronically to our church, but I am grateful that there are placards in the pews that say, “I give electronically” as a visual reminder for our kids to see that we are giving weekly to our congregation.

I love when our kids are able to bear witness to some of our secret surprise gifts, such as an incident in Aldi a few years back. A woman in the checkout line was seething. She was waiting at the register with a cart full of groceries that she was unable to pay for. I told her that I hoped her day got better, and full of shame she replied, “My company didn’t deposit my check today. They were supposed to, and they didn’t, and now I can’t pay for this.” With my two boys watching, I looked at  what was left in my envelope and told the cashier I would like to pay for $28 of her $36 purchase. The cashier looked a little taken back, and then told the woman the company would pick up the remaining balance. The stunned woman gave me a hug that I’ll remember forever and whispered into my ear, “You are an angel.” My kids saw this exchange and learned that sometimes, we just need to help each other out.

Giving Puts God to the Test - “Bring all the tithes into the storehouse so there will be enough food in my Temple. If you do,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, “I will open the windows of heaven for you. I will pour out a blessing so great you won’t have enough room to take it in! Try it! Put me to the test! (Malachi 3:10)

I hadn’t studied this scripture much until I was invited to join the Vibrant Stewardship Project a few years back. The aim of the research was to look for reasons why people were generous in our congregation and decipher how that quality might be fostered in other faith communities. As I reflected on the challenge of putting God to the test, I was humbled to think about all of the different ways that God had blessed our giving. We have an amazing marriage, great kids, a loving extended family, meaningful work, and a lovely home. We also had been the recipients of generous financial gifts following the death of our son that actually nearly matched  the offering we had given our church that year. Could these blessings be the response that explain  this charge in Malachi?

While I am uncomfortable advocating giving with the expectation of receiving something (especially money) in return, I am consistently amazed at the number of families that experience the outpouring of  blessings when they begin to manage their finances in a new way and give for the first time. So many families have shared how their marriages are stronger, their kids are more wholehearted, and their lives are less consumed by challenges. Still more share instances where unexpected money shows up in the form of gifts, refunds and bonuses. We didn’t start giving because we wanted to put God to the test, but are grateful for the ways that He has supported us in return..

One of the most rewarding parts of teaching Financial Peace University is  helping people understand giving in a new way. I am grateful for the many stories shared about how giving has changed the people offering their income, as well as those on the receiving end of others’ generosity..

When is a time that a gift of generosity has changed you?

Adopting through Foster Care

Today marks three years since our family grew through adoption. At the time, our girl was two and a half, and while she had been in our home for nearly a year, she was still coming out of her shell. When she first came into our care as 18 month old toddler, we didn’t foresee  her becoming our daughter. We had decided to become a foster family mainly to quiet a Holy Spirit call. We believed our family was full, but there was still room for one more place at the table,  we could lend a hand to a child in need. One thing led to another, and a year later we were sitting in front of a Dakota County judge promising to love this child in good times and bad for the rest of our lives. How we got there is the miracle of adoption.

When people learn that we were a foster family and adopted our girl through that system, I generally hear, “I couldn’t do that” as though our family is a band of super-heroes that is immune to heartache. It is actually those cracks and vulnerability that made us a great candidate to foster other children. We know of deep loss, having buried our son and brother, Jack, as an infant. Loss surrounds all relationships related to foster care, and having the capacity to wade through that pain with empathy allows for healing. Being present with grief and fear aid you in becoming a wonderful foster parent because those are the primary emotions kids are experiencing when they first show up in your home. Opening your heart to a child that may be with you only a short time is incredibly difficult, but  worth it.

Our girl wasn’t supposed to be in our care for very long. There was a plan that seemed reasonable with a path towards reunification. I’ve learned that what seems reasonable to a healthy, middle-class, college educated woman is not necessarily true for those battling mental illness and addiction. The plan unraveled quickly by county standards, and six months into her placement, our daughter was a ward of the state, with no suitable kin relatives available.

At that point, we weren’t even eligible to adopt because we  needed to complete further training for an adoption to take place. While her case made its  way through the system, we completed our concurrent training. The six months between the termination of parental rights and our adoption was agonizing. It was so hard to move forward with the loose ends dangling, begging me to contemplate worse case scenarios. In the end, all the fear and worry lifted like smoke from a candle as we drove home following the adoption proceeding. Finalizing our daughter’s adoption  was as amazing as the birth of a child.

My mind quickly lends itself to finances, and while the topic of financial support  isn’t hidden, it isn’t talked about early in the fostering process by the county. There was an “ick” factor in bringing it up because I didn’t want to be seen as a person who was looking to profit from children already hurting emotionally. Nonetheless, support is a piece of the puzzle that you might want to look into if you are considering being a foster parent.  We haven't had any placements since our girl’s adoption, but here is the compensation we were eligible for during her placement in 2012-2013:

Per Diem Stipend - Each day we were allowed $32 for her care. I remember this number because around the time of her placement, a dear friend had extensive smoke damage to her home, and the insurance company allowed $35 a day for the care of her dog. The values expressed in these amounts  bothered me then and still do today.

Full Medical and Dental Coverage - Our child received MN Care throughout her placement. We weren’t responsible for medical appointments, prescriptions, therapy bills, or mileage to those appointments.

WIC - Children in foster care qualify for WIC, and we received vouchers for milk, eggs, cereal, rice etc. I had never used WIC before, and it is a humbling experience to be on the receiving end of judgement for using this service. I found stores that did a better job of labeling eligible products and was grateful for the times I was treated with kindness and respect when I had questions about the vouchers.

I have heard so much about the astronomical cost of adoption and assumed that as we forged ahead on that path we would be responsible for the cost of hiring a lawyer or something along those lines. In our situation, there wasn’t a single cost to adopting our daughter, and she is still eligible for several benefits having been adopted through foster care.

Monthly Stipend - Each month the state deposits $247 into our checking account. It was explained to me that this change was made years ago because several families would opt to keep kids in their care without adopting them so that they would still be eligible for the per diem rates. This compromise was made to encourage families to move towards permanency. This money is budgeted as any income and will continue until our girl turns 18.

Full Medical and Dental Coverage - Our child is still eligible for this coverage and we are eternally grateful. This coverage has allowed our family to continue therapy that would have been challenging under our coverage and copay plan. This benefit is available and needed for children adopted through foster care because there is often more stuff that has to be worked through.

Respite Care - We haven’t taken advantage of this benefit but are eligible for something like 21 days of paid respite care. In this scenario we would choose and hire the care provider, and the state would pay for it (I’m not sure if the check would come to us or the provider).

Adoption was not the reason that we decided to become a foster family, but it is the reason we finished. Our home is full and busy, and it’s difficult to imagine how we could provide the care that was initially required. This journey has been such a blessing in our lives, and we are grateful, while fully aware, that our child is not “lucky” as others often note. Being a part of our family has come at a tremendous cost for her, and she’s one of the most wonderful kids I wish I had never met. We are the lucky ones.