Adopting through Foster Care

Today marks three years since our family grew through adoption. At the time, our girl was two and a half, and while she had been in our home for nearly a year, she was still coming out of her shell. When she first came into our care as 18 month old toddler, we didn’t foresee  her becoming our daughter. We had decided to become a foster family mainly to quiet a Holy Spirit call. We believed our family was full, but there was still room for one more place at the table,  we could lend a hand to a child in need. One thing led to another, and a year later we were sitting in front of a Dakota County judge promising to love this child in good times and bad for the rest of our lives. How we got there is the miracle of adoption.

When people learn that we were a foster family and adopted our girl through that system, I generally hear, “I couldn’t do that” as though our family is a band of super-heroes that is immune to heartache. It is actually those cracks and vulnerability that made us a great candidate to foster other children. We know of deep loss, having buried our son and brother, Jack, as an infant. Loss surrounds all relationships related to foster care, and having the capacity to wade through that pain with empathy allows for healing. Being present with grief and fear aid you in becoming a wonderful foster parent because those are the primary emotions kids are experiencing when they first show up in your home. Opening your heart to a child that may be with you only a short time is incredibly difficult, but  worth it.

Our girl wasn’t supposed to be in our care for very long. There was a plan that seemed reasonable with a path towards reunification. I’ve learned that what seems reasonable to a healthy, middle-class, college educated woman is not necessarily true for those battling mental illness and addiction. The plan unraveled quickly by county standards, and six months into her placement, our daughter was a ward of the state, with no suitable kin relatives available.

At that point, we weren’t even eligible to adopt because we  needed to complete further training for an adoption to take place. While her case made its  way through the system, we completed our concurrent training. The six months between the termination of parental rights and our adoption was agonizing. It was so hard to move forward with the loose ends dangling, begging me to contemplate worse case scenarios. In the end, all the fear and worry lifted like smoke from a candle as we drove home following the adoption proceeding. Finalizing our daughter’s adoption  was as amazing as the birth of a child.

My mind quickly lends itself to finances, and while the topic of financial support  isn’t hidden, it isn’t talked about early in the fostering process by the county. There was an “ick” factor in bringing it up because I didn’t want to be seen as a person who was looking to profit from children already hurting emotionally. Nonetheless, support is a piece of the puzzle that you might want to look into if you are considering being a foster parent.  We haven't had any placements since our girl’s adoption, but here is the compensation we were eligible for during her placement in 2012-2013:

Per Diem Stipend - Each day we were allowed $32 for her care. I remember this number because around the time of her placement, a dear friend had extensive smoke damage to her home, and the insurance company allowed $35 a day for the care of her dog. The values expressed in these amounts  bothered me then and still do today.

Full Medical and Dental Coverage - Our child received MN Care throughout her placement. We weren’t responsible for medical appointments, prescriptions, therapy bills, or mileage to those appointments.

WIC - Children in foster care qualify for WIC, and we received vouchers for milk, eggs, cereal, rice etc. I had never used WIC before, and it is a humbling experience to be on the receiving end of judgement for using this service. I found stores that did a better job of labeling eligible products and was grateful for the times I was treated with kindness and respect when I had questions about the vouchers.

I have heard so much about the astronomical cost of adoption and assumed that as we forged ahead on that path we would be responsible for the cost of hiring a lawyer or something along those lines. In our situation, there wasn’t a single cost to adopting our daughter, and she is still eligible for several benefits having been adopted through foster care.

Monthly Stipend - Each month the state deposits $247 into our checking account. It was explained to me that this change was made years ago because several families would opt to keep kids in their care without adopting them so that they would still be eligible for the per diem rates. This compromise was made to encourage families to move towards permanency. This money is budgeted as any income and will continue until our girl turns 18.

Full Medical and Dental Coverage - Our child is still eligible for this coverage and we are eternally grateful. This coverage has allowed our family to continue therapy that would have been challenging under our coverage and copay plan. This benefit is available and needed for children adopted through foster care because there is often more stuff that has to be worked through.

Respite Care - We haven’t taken advantage of this benefit but are eligible for something like 21 days of paid respite care. In this scenario we would choose and hire the care provider, and the state would pay for it (I’m not sure if the check would come to us or the provider).

Adoption was not the reason that we decided to become a foster family, but it is the reason we finished. Our home is full and busy, and it’s difficult to imagine how we could provide the care that was initially required. This journey has been such a blessing in our lives, and we are grateful, while fully aware, that our child is not “lucky” as others often note. Being a part of our family has come at a tremendous cost for her, and she’s one of the most wonderful kids I wish I had never met. We are the lucky ones.